Untitled
Febuary - March 2016
Introspective emotional transcendence
This painting is really the first in a series that form part of an ongoing personal process of ‘introspective emotional transcendence’ - changing the surfaces of ’my world’ from a place of negativity, pain, sorrow and angst, to one of lightness, joy and happiness.
2016 - 2020
©KAT
Untitled - mixed media on chipboard, (1,2 x 2,4 m) ©KAT
Even in the darkest of places there is colour. Little sparks of joy. Nature knows this. I have discovered this. In the darkest undergrowth, where the light does not reach, is where I, as a child, would find the shiniest most colourful insects - beetles mostly.
I was 14 the first time I made the choice to no longer be here (though, in hindsight, consuming an entire packet of paracetamol is not enough to end your life. It just makes you vomit). Even in the bleakest of places, there is humour. I laughed then, and it still makes me giggle to this day, the memory of Mum, who having found me looking pale and feverish having just thrown up, gave me a couple of paracetamol to ’take my temperature down’.
The most dominant feelings I associate with my childhood are ones of deep sadness, loneliness and fear. Yet there are moments of happiness and joy too. Though as these moments could, and usually did, get taken away from me, I learnt to keep the things I care about - the things that make me happy - hidden.
This painting is dark. It is black. Yet is isn’t. There are no black pigments in this painting, only colours. Different combinations of the brightest of colours, mixed to create various shades of chromatic black. Colours hidden in plain view. Only visible to those who care enough to take a closer look.
